Relationship quirks black women married to white men will understand on its own may give one reason to reflect.  Marriage is already a tough game, and interracial relationships have their own share of drama making it even trickier to figure out.  In this modern-day and age, color preference in relationships should not be an issue anymore. Unfortunately, that is not the case. There are still a few struggles that black women married to white men face, and here are some of them:

Social Gatherings Can Be Awkward – At First

Social gatherings, especially with his white friends or family members can be awkward. Good friends and family are well-meaning and will try to be nice, and may end up saying things like, “Now I know why he likes you. You aren’t like other black women.”


What about other black women?

On the other side of the coin, your friends might also make situations awkward for your man.  You may encounter iron snowflakes which in itself may reveal who is and who is not your friend.  It may be the first time for his friends or your friends to closely hang out with people of a different racial background, so the learning curve may be somehow steep. The good news is that it gets better – and people eventually learn what to say (or not to say) as time goes by — if there is no underlying ill wishing of your relationship or jealousy that you have found someone who makes you happy.

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Questions, Lot of Questions

If you’re the first person in your family or group of friends to be in a relationship with white guy, then you’ll definitely be bombarded with lots of question. If you haven’t been asked by anyone yet, you’ll probably need to prepare for this question first: Why did you fall for him anyway?

It doesn’t stop there, you’ll probably be asked anything and everything, from sex to habits to your lifestyles at home. Some questions may be silly, but getting asked from time to time can be quite annoying. However, there are also questions that can be borderline offensive as well.


The Stares and Side-Eyes

Sure, it’s 2014 but many people still maintain strong opinions when it comes to interracial relationships. There will be stares, condescending looks and a few instances of eye rolling.  Some people may stare because they’re seeing something really uncommon, and will stare at you like they’re looking at an exhibit in a museum (or worse, a zoo!). Unfortunately, then there are also people who feel strongly enough to give you side-eyes, mumble a comment or two or even say something offensive outright.

These unsolicited comments and judgmental looks don’t just come from white people. Some brothers, for example, will take it hard when they see you with a guy from the other team, with comments like “you think you’re too good for guys of your own skin race.”   When these situations happen, you only need to keep one thing in mind: their opinions are not worth anything to you, anyway.

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Little Quirks Here and There

On top of these major issues are little quirks that are common in relationships, not just between black women married to white men but in all types of interracial relationships.  Food is sometimes (if not always) an issue, especially if both of you grew up with diverse tastes. Some household practices and even methods of disciplining kids. Dancing is also another thing – a lot of white guys don’t have rhythm, so you may end up leaving your guy home to go clubbing with your girlfriends.

Those little quirks can be annoying, but most of the time they’re cute and easy to get over. The big quirks – or hurdles, more like it – are often societal ones. What others think, what others say or try not to say and how people act around you, whether from friends who tiptoe or watch what they say and make gatherings awkward in the process, or rude people who think their opinions matter.

As much as it is annoying, that’s how things are, for this time being. Whether you’ve been married to your man for a couple of months or a couple of years, these struggles come with the territory. You may have gotten used to it already, but there will always hope that societal standards catch up with the time so that you – and many other women – don’t have to deal with these things all the time.