With the media and black women weighing on the Janay Rice’s relationship with her husband Ray Rice, it made me ask ‘Are there any couples that do not argue?

It is highly unlikely. What I have found is that the happiest couples are those who know how to argue in a mature manner where no one is demoralizing or violent with each other. I am always amazed at my friends and their relationships.
I have friends who have been married for more than 20 years and what I have observed is that they all argue but the difference is that they were still respectful and showed concern towards each other.

Even though it is impossible to find a conflict-free couple we also need to know how to resolve conflict:

Resolving Conflicts

1. Have a clear understanding of the problem

A lot of of couples have fights without really having a clear perspective of what that fight is about. It is important that couples learn about each other by actively listening. This is to ensure that they are on the same page, it is recommended that the couple repeat the problem as seen through each other’s eyes.

2. The couple should state their wishes.

This step is crucial in that it allows the couple to focus on their aims instead of their  complaints.  The more detailed the wishes are the better it is for the couple to handle. For e.g., ” I am most uncomfortable when my weight is mentioned in front of family and friends, it brings back sad memories of when I was child. It is okay if it is just discussed between us only. I am more comfortable with that.

3. Propose Solutions

For example, if the problem is “Friday Nights with the boys” what the partner could do is maybe take his partner one night just so that she can see what it entails. Maybe this will put your partners mind at ease. Note, that the same should apply if your partner would like to go out with you and the girls.

4. Consult

This is where both parties have laid out all the cards on the table and is now having an open discussion on resolving the issue. If all else fails, agree to disagree. For example; John and Mary  are not sure what to do with their savings . John want’s to purchase a new car whilst Mary wants to continue saving for a deposit on a house. Because, they could not come to an agreement, they have both decided too leave the money in the bank until they consult upon it again. Whilst in the mean time, they have both decided not to argue anymore about it.

5.  Reaffirm Agreements

It is important that couples work hard to stick to the agreement made during consultations. When this is not followed it can cause disruption and strife.

6. Have regular reviews

This to ensure that you both are on the same path as discussed. This will also show whether an agreement was manageable or maybe changes and adjustments will need to be done.

At the end of the day the objective is to really be able to unite as a couple on issues and at the same time experiencing a happy and healthy relationship.

How do you resolve conflicts in your relationship?