Relational Agression – Can You Recognize and Deal With It?
Relational aggression is a relatively new term usually related to bullying. These are a few terms I have coined describing relational aggression when it comes to black women in interracial relationships. Because of the lasting psychological effects this subtle and covert manipulations can have on the uninformed, the These types should be avoided whenever possible. But if avoidance is not possible, learn how to deal with them and keep it moving without skipping a beat.
Snowflakes – these are women who think they are special kinds of snowflakes who are married to white men and do NOT want a black, Asian or Latina woman to have what she has. No one else is deserving of a perceived white man prize husband. Snowflakes pretend to be your friend or have your back and has a subtle aim of attack. If you know how to vet your friends, this kind will be revealed shortly after meeting. They can not hide their true intentions for long. Iron Snowflake = black or African woman. Crystal or Transparent Snowflake = white woman. Tinted Snowflake = Latina or Asian woman. Snowflakes are
Pillars of Salt – A POS is a black woman who claims she wants to try interracial dating and may even go as far as accepting a date from a white or other non black man. But she is so loyal to the black (men) community she just can’t bear the thought of leaving them behind. She thinks she is turning her back on them, not being loyal or she may have deep-seated sentiments of becoming a sellout. She takes the first step, the turns and runs the other way. We know what happened to Lot’s wife. She became a pillar of salt. For our purposes, the POS is stuck, knowing that she has options — chooses to wait on the black man. Many of these women may find love, but most remain single and tell themselves that this is what God wants.
POS Extreme Edition or POS 2.0 Women who knowing that their children live in a rough area will not do what is in their best interest and remove them from the danger. We all know that certain areas are gang ridden and children are not even safe going to and from school. Some may even want to leave, but never take the necessary steps to escape the crime ridden areas in which they live. Young women and children are simply not safe in these areas.
A few spices:
Salt Shakers – SS are black women who though married to a white man, feels guilty for having left her brothers behind. This kind goes out of her way to prove that she has not given up her black card as if that were possible. The salt shaker takes every opportunity to uplift a black man and will even defy her own relationship to prove her loyalty to the black community. I would never recommend a white man marry this guilt ridden SS. She is happy in her suburban home, but has to keep her foot in the black community to prove that she is still down for the cause, whatever that cause may be. Black men can always count on her regardless of the circumstance. The salt shaker will always have their back. SS can also refer to white women in the reverse situation.
Pepper Shakers – PS are black women who hate white people but will date or marry other non black. You can find them with Asians or Latino but never white. Some pepper shakers also have a guilt complex and will go out of their way to prove their blackness as well and reason that at least they are not with a white man. A black woman married to a white man can become victim to pepper shakers’ relational aggression in a variety of ways. One accused me of having an agenda on against black men. Pepper shakers are just like salt shakers, but because they are married to non white, they feel less sellout guilt because they don’t like black people.
Sugar and Bitter Spice (Rue) SPSR – Rue is a black woman who is married to a white man and constantly brings up the injustice of white guilt. She beats him over the head with examples of white racism against black men or people. Always ready to exploit real life events, the Rue is a race baiting opportunist and should really not be married interracially. She may even have a child/children with her white husband but is relentless in her rants of racial injustice. I would never recommend a white man marry this very bitter spice. She should just stay in the black community and marry a black man. Truth be told you can use white privilege to your advantage when negotiated intelligently.
Legion of Doom Mother LODM is not race restrictive but it does happen a lot in the black community. These are mothers who will for the sake of keeping a man, expose their minor children to danger of said men so she doesn’t have to be alone. The inevitable almost always happen in these circumstances. A child is abused — many times with the mother’s knowledge. Children are raped and molested, beaten and even murdered — but at least the mother has her man.
Sprinkle Sifter -SSF When a woman is with a man who has a biracial child who’s not hers, sometimes she may take out some true relational aggression upon the child. Sprinkle sifters are not race restrictive. They put the biracial children of their husbands/beau’s in the mix, grind them and sift them out and let the child’s feelings fall wherever they land. Sprinkle sifters are evil. I have a friend whose biracial daughter was visiting her dad for his designated weekend. He allowed his new wife to cut off my friend’s daughters waist length hair. She cut it so short that my friend was not even able to gather enough for a ponytail. It was devastating to my friend who already had to learn how to do her daughter’s hair. This was an assault and I would have filed charges had it been my child. Anyway, a few of us surmised that this child was a reminder of the ex-wife and the new wife just wanted to get back at her. It was worse that this child’s father allowed this disrespect of his child’s mother by the new wife. Both women are of different races and this could take place with any child of an ex. The biracial child has significance because of the racial aspects. It could be plain old jealousy because of attention the child/children of the previous marriage or relationship receives over the new wife or her children. The SSFs don’t care about the child. They care about making the child feel unwelcome or they just want to get a dig in at the mother. This is true abuse and evil right there.