I was browsing through blog posts and articles recently and I came across a question that said, “Help! My daughter is marrying a black man! What should I do?” Reading and re-reading the question out loud in my head, it surprises me how there are still these bigoted stereotypes like that in this day and age. It seemed like a really big crisis for that woman, almost comparable to asking a question such as “my daughter is marrying a drug addict, what should I do?”

Unlike white with white or black with black relationships, interracial couples are still frowned upon in many places. Let’s admit it, the history between both races haven’t really been a good one. To be completely honest, I really feel sorry for interracial couples in loving relationships who have to suffer the strain of stereotypes and archaic beliefs.  Being in a relationship and making it work is hard enough already – how much more when you’re of different races and cultures and have to deal with what others think, feel and say about you and your partner day in and day out?

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Why it’s difficult for black guys

Black men dating or married to white women carry a lot of load on their shoulders, as everyone seems to have something to say. First, he has to earn the approval of the woman’s family, which in some instances, may not go well because he has to deal with a lot of stereotypes. Second, he has to deal with white men, who feel that he’s tarnishing “their” women, and even going as far as suggesting that the relationship is an admission that “their” women are more superior and more attractive.

Third, the guy also has to deal with his own community. Family and friends may feel betrayed and may call him a “sellout.” He can be called many things – selfish, ambitious, a betrayer of his race.  He may also get drama from black girl friends, getting called out for his choice of a partner.

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White girls have a hard time, too

I’m not saying that the situation is easier for the woman, anyway. She also has to deal with her family, which can be a big issue especially if she has conservative parents who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s. Genuine friends may not be as critical of their girlfriends’ choices, but she may also have to deal with drama from her partner’s community and circles. She will often be labeled as trash, because of the assumption that men in interracial relationships tend to date down and settle for just any white girl. She will get stares, side comments some isolated cases of confrontations especially if she says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

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These difficulties in interracial relationships don’t just stop at the dating stage. Family members may finally accept the union, friends may get over it eventually, but there’s no escaping the eyes and words of those who think it’s their business to intervene; at least for now.

If you’re in an interracial relationship or marriage, I hope you don’t let these stereotypes and comments from others affect you, and I sincerely hope that you learn how to deal with these kinds of things. Remember, you’re not a “black” man in love with a “white” woman or the other way around. You’re a person in love with another person, and that’s all there is to it.

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