After watching Iyanla Fix My Life last evening, the respect I had for Debi Thomas is gone. I am not without compassion, but my sympathy goes to victims who get on track to become survivors. Debi does not want help and is obviously co-dependent on her abusive boyfriend Jamie Looney.  
Debi’s own family did not want to participate with the show, and when given the option, she chose her relationship with Jaime over her own son. Clearly Debi Thomas does not want help as Iyanla brought in reputable professionals being some of the best in the industry.  Iyanla offered her and Jamie all kinds of free help. Jaime had to call his mommy and consult with Debi before he accepted. If you have to do all that, you don’t want help.  I would jump at the chance to leave a life of poverty living in a bed bug infested trailer.  But if one is not ready, one is just not ready.
ED KAISER / AP

ED KAISER / AP

I think I saw a little clue when they talked about the Olympics. I drew from the inference that her parents or others wanted that more than she did and therefore did not do her best. Even though Debi has the smarts to be an engineer and orthopedic surgeon, she obviously did not want those careers bad enough to guard those positions with her life. Debi cast her precious pearls before swine and what happened? They got trampled and she has still not managed to pick them up to replace around her neck.  Instead, Debi has chosen to wear a necklace of co-dependence and dysfunction.
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I guess there is always hope, but until she hits rock bottom, we will find Debi just where Iyanla left her. She left a fully paid for luxury apartment after 30 days but boyfriend Jamie left his treatment after 2 weeks. No doubt he was calling, texting and emailing Debi to come back — not hard to convince her that she is the only help he needed. Co-dependence with a capital C. Jamie beat her up again and she had to go to a battered woman’s shelter but as a victim suffering from Battered Women’s Syndrome, Debi went back to her abusive boyfriend.

  
As I said, I am not without compassion, but I was once where she is and knew that God had a better plan for me and did not look back. Not only did I pick up my pearls, I got a new string and keep them polished. I can spot an abusive man a mile away. They give off undeniable clues. I am not going to blame this on mental illness. We all have crap we have to deal with, but you have got to love yourself enough to know you don’t deserve that. And to take away your gifts in return for a busted lip, black eye, stabbing, gunshot or death?
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They have a gofundme page making the most of this opportunity for a reality show. I would not watch a show that depicts complete dysfunction where the man is beating a woman on the regular. I am sure Debi has been violent too, but this is by far more of an abusive man problem. Who knows maybe she is DBR (damaged beyond repair) as well. She could not be in my circle of friends because I refuse to play counselor to a woman who is not ready to leave her abuser. That co-dependence puts the woman, her children, other family and friends in danger because when husband or boyfriend wants her dead, he will accomplish his goal and take anyone he sees as a threat along for the ride.
Getty Images

Getty Images

I would be so ashamed to have fallen from this level of grace I would not show my face in town let along for the whole world to see. Just because they may get a reality show does not mean she won’t still end up dead. We saw what happened to Loredana Nesci. That was local new in Los Angeles and nationally — very tragic.
JONATHAN FICKIES/GETTY IMAGES FOR STARGAMES

JONATHAN FICKIES/GETTY IMAGES FOR STARGAMES

JEROME DELAY/AFP/GETTY IMAGES Enlarge

JEROME DELAY/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

Clearly Debi Thomas is no dummy, and has obviously lived a much better life.  A life for which many black women would have gladly traded for theirs.  But she has zero vetting skills when is comes to choosing a mate.  If Debi would just take a time out, regroup and change her outlook on life to a more positive one,  she could leave her co-dependent and abusive relationship, and get her life back on track.  From what I can tell, she wants to be right where she is.   I am done with this entire episode as it continues to be a major media buzz, but do hope Debi gets the counseling help she needs and sincerely wish her the best.

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